An updated guide to new Malaysian terms

Ahh, don’t you miss the good old days, when life was simpler and words meant what everyone understood it to mean.

Things are much more difficult these days. But fret not, cos here’s a rough guide.

Mongolia Mari/That woman: refers to murdered Mongolian woman Altantuya.

Katak: a term used to describe elected MPs and state reps who jump parties.

Jelapang Whore: refers to a certain female state rep from Perak.

To be a Kugan: To die in police custody.


CAT: used to refer to the feline family. Now it’s an acronym of Competence, Accountability and Transparency.

Technical visit: Holidays and shopping trips by local politicians and their families to places like Disneyland, Dubai and Paris.

Old ways: Referring to a time when Umno was stronger; where every taxi permit had to be endorsed by and Umno division chief, among others.

Balkis: A Travel and Shopping Club for wives of Umno politicians. membership includes free luxury shopping, gifts and travel.

Bapak Koridor: the politician formerly known as Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi.

Jimat: a term that used to mean savings or frugality. Now it means to “neutralise” a target. This is an internal code among the Police Special Forces (UTK).

Glokal: To rape country’s coffers and use the money for international visits.

BABI: formerly used to refer to the swine family. Now used in Umno circles as an acronym of Brother Anwar Bin Ibrahim.

Phantom voter: Dead people exercising their democratic right.

Democracy Tree: A certain tree underneath which a historic and unusual meeting took place.

Reservoir Dogs: Perak Assembly Speaker V.Sivakumar’s team of bodyguards.

Permodalan Negeri Selangor Bhd: The party that picks up the tab for political wives’ shopping and travel.

Kita kan Serumpun: the phrase used to justify how come a first generation Malaysian could be MB of a state when there are three generations of people still with Red IC.

Traitor: Anyone who questions Umno way of doing things.

Tempe: 1) A substance, the oral ingestion of which would make your sagging skin tight again. 2) A person who has successful treatment using above-mentioned substance.

Liposuction: A new way to die, for rich females of Malaysia.

Money politics: A whimsical way to describe buying your way into a political post. Ali Rustam still dunno what it means.

Merapatkan Saf: An Umno version of the huddle.

Kodomo Lion: The son of a guy once lauded as the Lion of Umno.

ISA: Ikut Suka Aku. The “Aku” refers to whoever’s in power.

To do a Bala: refers to an act where you make two contradicting statutory declaration, and then disappear.

Superpoke: To have allegedly anally violated someone against his will.

Katrina: A certain hotel in Batu Pahat with free CCTV coverage. Dunno if they offer breakfast.

2 Bukit, 1 Batang: Two hills and one river (what did you think??)

Destiny: refers to your firm conviction that it’s your hubby’s turn to be PM.

Specialist Instigators: what some insecure folks call bloggers.

Derhaka: a term to describe criticism of the sultans, when anyone other than Umno does it.

Now, feel better?

http://dansemacabre.wordpress.com/2009/04/02/an-updated-guide-to-new-malaysian-terms